Drifting
by ChronicLegCramp-Since'99
Summary: Being haunted by memory-like dreams, Seifer begins to grapple with his sense of identity. Seiall. Rated M for sexual themes, kinda (just in case). Set some time before the beginning of the game. Very light angst. Enjoy! :)


**Drifting**

 **A Final Fantasy VIII One-Shot by ChronicLegCramp-Since'99**

Pairing: Seifer/Squall

*Disclaimer: All characters and places belong to SquareEnix, respectively*

* * *

" _Yah! Take that, you stupid dragon!"_

 _A little boy with tousled golden brown hair glanced up listlessly from where he knelt in the sand, digging a hole with a stick. The wind was just harsh enough to rustle his well-worn t-shirt and whip his locks across his pale face. He looked on silently as another boy a year older than him swung around a wooden sword at an invisible enemy, coming to a stop with a surprisingly fluid swipe of his pretend-weapon and a cheer of victory._

" _No dragon's a match for Seifer Almasy, the bestest Knight in all of Centra!" The boy with blond hair proclaimed to an unseen audience, placing his free hand on his hip and puffing out his chest. He caught the younger boy's curious gaze then, dashing over with his self-congratulatory grin still in place._

" _Did you see that, Squally? I took down that pesky old ruby dragon all by myself!" He spun around the toy blade in his hand with an exaggerated flourish, almost dropping it in the process. The blond's usually slicked-back hair was blowing into his eyes and he kept having to push it back again. Squall, head cocked to the side, let out a short giggle behind his hand, grey-blue eyes alight with amusement at the older boy's antics._

" _Hey! What're you laughing at?" Seifer demanded with a threatening point of his finger, but Squall knew he wasn't really mad by the way his grin widened and his cyan eyes gleamed. "It's a tough job being a Sorceress' Knight, you know, Squally. I had to train for HOURS before I became one- I know! I'll teach you to be one! With ME as your teacher you'll be a Knight in no time, you'll see!" The brown haired boy glanced back down at the mini crater he'd made in the sand before smiling uncertainly up at Seifer. It wasn't the first time the blond had managed to pry laughter from the quiet boy since Sis had been taken. Squall liked to believe he did it on purpose, to be nice for a change and cheer him up, but then they'd see Zell skipping by and Seifer would switch back into bully mode, leaving Squall behind, alone._

" _Come on, Squally!" Seifer pressed, regaining the younger boy's attention. "Get up! There's no time to waste!" The blond watched Squall hesitantly push up to his feet and hug his torso against the cool breeze. "This is my sword," Seifer told him with pride and excitement in his voice, raising the toy point up in the air and imagining shiny steel and a gold, gem-embedded hilt. "It's hard to use at first, but with MY training you'll be almost as good as me and I'M the BEST." He lowered the blade again and looked at his new student's empty hands. "Oh- we've gotta get you a sword too! Then we can start training." Grabbing Squall's hand, he scampered off towards the white stone house in the distance._

 _When they reached it, they walked hand in hand into the living room, huffing and puffing from the exertion. Couches were pushed up against the walls and child-sized tables and chairs dotted the open space with various dogged-eared story books and meagre arts and crafts piled in the centre of each._

" _Matron!" Seifer called out as they entered, eyes searching for the woman with long flowing, coffee-dark hair and the ankle length, cotton charcoal dress. She was perched on the edge of a couch with a bespectacled girl sitting cross-legged on the floor in front of her. She appeared to be braiding the inquisitive-looking girl's honey coloured hair. Other children were sitting at tables colouring or sprawled out on the faded rainbow rug, playing with old plastic dolls that wore threadbare clothing and had missing limbs._

" _Matron, I'm teaching Squally how to be a Sorceress' Knight!" Seifer happily announced to their foster mother while Squall half-hid behind his arm, shying away from the unwanted attention they were drawing. The woman's warm ochre eyes lit up fondly as she regarded the two boys, noting that the seemingly ever-present frown had lifted temporarily from Squall's face._

" _A Sorceress' Knight, huh?" She responded with a soft smile to Seifer's eager nodding before refocusing her gaze on the silky hair she was patiently plaiting._

" _Can we go in the toy box please, Matron? I need a sword too..." Squall spoke up with a hopeful cast to his features. However before their maternal figure could answer, the girl with the glasses and Peruvian blue eyes jumped into the conversation._

" _Sword fighting is dangerous," she scolded them in her best imitation of Matron, crossing her bony arms for full effect. "Squally could get hurt!" Seifer had initially rolled his eyes, coaxing soundless laughter out of his new partner in crime, but at that his fuse began to simmer and spark._

" _Squally won't get hurt 'cos I'M training him," he argued hotly with an obvious pout. "And if he falls over and scrapes his knees I'LL carry him home, NOT YOU, Quisty." His adversary covered her mouth to stifle a girly giggle at Seifer's expense as Matron requested they both cease their bickering at once._

" _Does that make you Squally's Knight?" The girl quipped smartly, loud enough for everyone who wasn't already eavesdropping to hear. Titters of snickering and laughter erupted around them and a short sprightly girl jumped up from the rug to skip around the boys, singing, "Seify's Squally's Knight~! Seify's Squally's Knight~!"_

" _I am NOT!" Seifer snapped back, naturally tanned features going tomato red in irritation as the younger girl with the caramel-brown pigtails danced away, still singing._

 _A boy with long tawny hair that she'd been playing with had got up too and began skipping after her with a cheeky grin on his face. "Are too! Are too!"_

 _Despite the blond's baleful expression, he continued to hold the younger boy's hand lest he decided he'd rather run away and hide than suffer the other kids making fun of them._

" _Selphie! Irvine! That is enough," Matron cried over the racket, successfully gaining silence from all the kids._

" _Fine!" Seifer declared with a venomous scowl in Quistis' direction before looking down at Squall. "I'll be your Knight, Squally, but only until you become a Knight too and then we'll be Knights together." The younger boy's storm coloured eyes widened in something akin to awe as he gazed up at Seifer._

" _Really, Seify?" He asked weakly, clutching closer to the blond's arm._

" _I said so, didn't I?" Seifer griped, still red and still pouting, but when Squall smiled slightly up at him, eyes shining with gratitude, his expression morphed into a boisterous grin. "Don't worry, Squally, no stinky old monsters are gonna get you while I'm around."_

" _That's a lovely idea, Seifer," Matron praised gently, walking over to them while everyone else mostly went back to their activities. "It's very considerate of you to offer to look after Squall." She smoothed his wind-mussed golden locks back from his face and placed a kiss on his forehead, ignoring his half-hearted grimace at the affectionate gesture; he was pleased all the same and so was Squall, going by the content expression blanketing his features._

" _So we can get another sword out of the toy box?" The brown haired boy asked a little less timidly as he and Seifer waited with bated breath to be granted permission._

" _Of course, Squall," Matron beamed, barely able to finish speaking before the two boys were running off towards the dorm room._

" _Yeah!"_

" _Thank you, Matron!"_

" _No running in the house, you two!" The black haired woman shook her head in exasperation as they disappeared into the next room, but even so a relieved smile came to her lips. Hope swelled in her chest, surpassing the concerns she had been harbouring for Squall and Seifer for far too long. Perhaps they would be alright from now on, using each other's shoulders to lean on. "Have fun, you two and be careful," she told them brightly as they came back through the living room towards the side door, going as fast as they could without flat out running. "And remember to put your toys away once you've finished with them."_

" _Okay, Matron."_

" _Yes, Matron."_

 _She nodded to herself, turning back to the other children as a scruffy blond boy hurried out after them, almost tripping over a chair._

" _Play with ME, Squally, not_ Seifer _!"_

" _Leave Squally alone, Chicken-head! He wants to play with ME. I'M his KNIGHT."_

" _No fair...!"_

* * *

When Seifer woke, it was suddenly- eyes flashing open and a sick, uneasy feeling roiling in his gut. _(Another dream...)_ With a deep sigh, he rolled over onto his back and roughly scrubbed his face with his hands. _(Okay...there was a beach...a kid? A boy...that Matron again...did I promise to be somebody's Knight...? Damnit...)_ He pinched the bridge of his nose, eyes squeezed tightly shut for several long minutes, but it was no use; the rest of the dream had already slipped into oblivion. _(Damnit!)_ He let his hand fall to rest on his torso, eyes opening to stare up at the ceiling, unseeing.

It had been just over three weeks since the dreams had started. It wasn't that they were bad necessarily- some were morbid, melancholic, but they were far from nightmares. No, it was more the fact that they felt real- that they felt like memories; memories that shattered to pieces upon waking up and as far as he could tell didn't exist at all during his waking life. They only reared their utterly perplexing heads while he slept, making him question whether he was losing it.

What did it, was that they made him feel like he didn't know himself, like other than living in Balamb Garden he had no idea who he was. He was an orphan, sure and probably didn't have much good to remember but practically eighty percent of Garden were orphans and yet somehow he doubted they'd all miraculously lost a chunk of their memory too. He hadn't even realised his past was missing until the dreams had started. He supposed he should be thankful, considering they were the reason he'd tried to think back to where he'd come from in the first place and since discovered that there was absolutely nothing there to remember.

The first memory he did have was simply Squall Leonhart. Back when they enrolled, they got to share a dorm together- he must have met Squall early on during induction day because he recalled being happy about rooming with someone he knew, as though they'd already made 'friends'. He remembered eating meals together, pairing up in class, trips to the training centre, sparring- the latter being the only tradition upheld. All his memories were of Squall up until he met Fū and Rai and even then, whenever he was alone Squall was the first person he thought of. It was almost _too_ romantic, even for his tastes.

After a quiet snort in response to where his thoughts had taken him, his features grew serious again. He debated about asking Ifrit, the Guardian Force he'd acquired not last week in preparation for the SEED exam and had since shunned all other GFs in favour of. He and Ifrit synced up just right, exhibiting similar moods and attitudes and yeah, he could admit that he liked starting fires too. He had a habit of unjunctioning each night before going to sleep, not wanting to stay linked every second of the day when it was wholly unnecessary. He liked Ifrit but he didn't rely on him; he relied on his ability to wield his gunblade, Hyperion. GFs were merely sentient beings that were fun to fight alongside as far as he was concerned. They could get you out of a pinch, sure, not to mention allow you to boost your stats with the right para-magic, but if you relied on them too much it created a weakness that Seifer would sooner do without. Perhaps it was that kind of thinking that made him and Ifrit so compatible.

Sitting up slowly, he relished in the cool air that met his bare skin, the single bed always a tad too stuffy whenever he had company over. He glanced sideways at the lithe form curled up in a ball, back to Seifer. He knew some people would probably shrink at the sight of their lover turned away from them, but Seifer could read the trust the action denoted. There was no rhyme or reason to his and Squall's relationship, he knew that- there never had been- but nevertheless it was the most easy, natural thing he had in his mercenary life.

There had been no lead up; no lingering looks, no subtle touches, only the passion they both threw into their spars as they sweated it out across the wild plains of Balamb. One second they were clashing gunblades and sweeping legs at the back of ankles, the next they were ripping at clothes and irksome belts that got in the way, mouths fused as though they didn't need oxygen anyway. Seifer didn't question it either. There was no sexual identity crisis, no worrying about whether he'd be able to look Squall in the eye ever again- he could and he did. In fact, he hadn't spared a moments thought about the incident aside from flashes of the texture of Squall's chapped lips moulded to his own or the way his stormy blue eyes had _looked_ right at him. _Intense_. It always brightened his day but other than that, he didn't think on it. He left those vexing complexities to Squall's internal monologuing.

It had been a full two weeks on when he'd caught Squall heading to class. He'd started to jog up to him with snide comments forming in his mind, but something had made him pause. Squall hadn't been wearing his favourite fur-collared leather jacket for once and Seifer's eyes had instinctively drank in the lean muscles that lay beneath the snug white t-shirt Squall had on, the almost provocative sway of his hips as he walked, enticing. The blond had spent the lesson leaning back in his seat with his arm draped along the back, sending sly meaningful looks sideways towards his brown haired classmate. Squall had only glanced up once, giving him a raised eyebrow and a neutral once over before going back to his work. However, once the lesson was over and everybody else had filed out, Squall had walked to his desk and stared him straight in the eyes as if sizing him up. Seifer had been about to stand and advance on him when the younger boy had caught him off guard by swinging up his leg and sliding effortlessly into his lap. It hadn't taken much more for him to grunt out, "Your room. Now."

After that it became habit, as normal as breathing. Reminiscing made it seem like years ago, but it hadn't been, not quite yet. Exhaling deeply, Seifer stretched out again, propping himself on his elbow, fist holding his head up.

"Squall," he murmured into the silent moonlit room, tired bluish-green eyes dragging down the exposed creamy pale skin of the taciturn boy's back. There were healing bruises here and there from training and spars, no different from Seifer's own body and he couldn't help but admire the strength they told of the boy beside him. It wasn't normal to smile at someone's scars, he knew on one level, but he guessed it was a good thing none of them _were_ normal in Garden. At the lack of response, he tried again. "Squall...Are you awake, Squally?" That was another strange thing- he'd never once used that nickname until the dreams had started. It had fallen from his lips subconsciously one day and Squall had responded to it unsurprised, as if Seifer had always called him it.

"No," came the younger boy's deadpan answer finally, bringing a low half-hearted chuckle out of Seifer. He struggled for words for a moment, not entirely sure how to begin and silence reigned yet again, except it was mildly charged now. Forcing down his rising frustration, he moved to stall for time at the same time as keep Squall awake. That came in the form of spontaneously leaning forward and biting down on Squall's shoulder, neither sharply nor gently. Squall gasped aloud and arched his back against him, half-turning and throwing his left hand out to grip Seifer's muscular thigh. The blond flicked his eyes over to gauge the brown haired boy's expression and he was not disappointed. Squall was gazing up at him with half-lidded eyes and parted lips, tightening his grip on Seifer's leg and chewing his bottom lip in response to the scrutiny. Warmth spread through the blond's limbs at the sight.

This is what he needed- something to make him feel more himself instead of a stranger in his own skin. Closing his eyes, he took a moment to revel in it, retracting his teeth in favour of sucking and licking over the ravaged flesh like a salve. The sound of Squall's ragged breathing had the corners of his mouth quirking up faintly and he raised his head, hand splayed over the younger boy's taut abdomen. Squall's eyes looked more lucid now as he minutely scanned Seifer's features, the latter attempting to distract him by leaning down and capturing his smooth mouth. Squall released a soft sigh against him and he sucked his top lip into his mouth before pulling reluctantly away. He could plainly see Squall's cogs turning behind his grey-blue gaze, felt it when the hand on his thigh drifted up his body to settle on his side.

"What is it?" The younger gunblader asked, almost whispering with an inscrutable frown tainting his features. Feeling somewhat calmer, he lay back down behind Squall and pressed his nose against the soft golden brown locks curling at the nape of his neck. Squall subtly shifted his body back flush against his front and he found himself absently trailing his fingers up and down the younger boy's arm.

"Do you...remember your childhood?"

"My childhood...?" Squall echoed with clear confusion feathering his tones.

"Yeah, like where you come from- where you were before Garden." With how close they were Seifer couldn't help but notice how tense Squall gradually grew as quiet stretched out between them. When he eventually replied, the blond instantly heard the carefully constructed dispassionate underlining of his words.

"I'm an orphan. I had nothing before Garden. Was nothing."

"Yeah..." Seifer dragged out in lowered tones, resuming his fingers light caressing from where they'd paused, momentarily hovering above Squall's arm. "But you remember where you were, don't you?" After a beat, Squall forced out an irritated noise before twisting round to face him somewhat aggressively. Seifer sunk onto his back as the brown haired boy semi-loomed over him, leaning on an arm.

"Our pasts don't matter, Seifer- _your_ past doesn't matter-"

"Of course it does," the blond bit back, starting to get angry now, unhelped by Squall's faux blasé agitation. "I don't remember, Squall. I don't remember _anything_." That seemed to catch the younger gunblader off guard for a second, before he expertly regained his composure and pinned Seifer with a stern glare.

"All that matters is the here and now," Squall insisted in a bland monotone that grated at Seifer's nerves. "When we came to Balamb no one knew us or our pasts and we started anew, made lives for ourselves. Trust me, there's nothing worth remembering, Sei-"

"You don't _know_ that, Squall!" He argued fiercely, beginning to lose control of his temper as he scowled up at his sparring partner; weeks of anger and confusion bubbling to the surface and boiling over. "Don't you get it? I don't fucking know who I am!"

"You know exactly who you are," Squall shot back, voice ominously rising an octave- not quite shouting but uncharacteristic nevertheless. Seifer trained a narrow-eyed glare on him but otherwise let him talk. "You've always been sure of yourself, Sei and you know what? Even if you did forget, it _doesn't matter_ because _I'm here_ to remind you. You want me to tell you...? _You_ are an obnoxious, arrogant, self-centred, over-dramatic, stubborn..." He paused almost imperceptibly as Seifer continued to frown slightly up at him, lips parting. When he went on, Seifer didn't think he'd ever heard his voice sound so...lilting. "Warm, generous, thoughtful, _romantic..._ " Here Squall rolled his eyes and allowed a short scoff of chagrin, directed as much inward as outward. "Handsome... _infuriating_ , hot-headed man. Yes, a man- or as good as, so you better start acting like one if you ever hope to pass that SEED exam." Squall's mouth all but snapped shut, jaw setting stiffly as he wordlessly dared the blond to argue back with his stormy blue eyes.

A mildly startled chuckle fell from Seifer's lips, quiet and tentative but soon his features were sobering, blue-green eyes regarding Squall unflinchingly. He brought his hand up to cup the back of Squall's neck, tugging him down into a firm kiss. He let his tongue collide and tangle with Squall's for a quick taste but he made no move to devour him, instead pulling away to murmur against moist velvet lips. "You're right...I know, I _know_...you're right, Squally..."

"Come again?" His would-be lover murmured back in a rare teasing tone that Seifer had only had the privilege of hearing once or twice before.

"I can admit when I'm wrong sometimes," he batted back breezily between short nudging kisses, giving another chuckle and stroking the fine hairs on the back of Squall's neck.

"Er, one more time?"

"Don't push your luck, Leonhart," he retorted mock-threateningly, smirking at the way Squall had to try hard to bite back a smile. He didn't know why the younger boy even bothered, why he wouldn't just let it happen; but Squall was Squall and he wasn't changing for anyone any time soon. "You know," he began casually after a long moment, as the younger gunblader concentrated on nibbling along his jaw. "I've been with no one else since you." Squall's mouth halted on his skin for a fleeting second and then he was lifting his head to gaze down at Seifer with a curious eyebrow quirked. The blond held his eyes as patiently as he could manage, fingers moving up from his neck to entwine in his thick locks. When Squall finally decided he'd kept Seifer waiting on tenter hooks for long enough, he gave an awkward non-committal half-shrug.

"Neither have I," he said matter-of-factly before leaning back down to continue his ministrations.

"Good," Seifer breathed out lowly, muscles relaxing that he hadn't realised had tensed up to begin with. "Good. C'mere." He tugged Squall's mouth back to his, inhaling their mingled scents deeply and releasing it slowly. The smaller boy's finger trailed up the side of his neck, unexpectedly tender as he felt bone-deep tiredness creep over him with relief. Drawing back, he tucked Squall into his side and guided his head to rest on his chest.

"We cuddle now?" Came the faint humour-laced reaction but he felt Squall's arm hesitantly slip across his torso regardless, flushed skin clinging to flushed skin.

"Shut it," he mumbled, eyes already drifting closed, distantly surprised himself by the fond note in his voice. The last thing he registered was Squall hooking a leg over his and going boneless against him.

* * *

 _ **Thanks for reading!**_

 _ **My first time writing these two so I hope they weren't too OOC!**_

 ** _Also, this fic was inspired by X &Y by Coldplay :)_**


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